Wednesday 1 July 2015

A Remedy To Cure All Ills

Guest(s): None.

This episode of Merlin-

Me: Is it called 'The Adventures of Merlin'? I didn't notice that before. I thought it was just 'Merlin'.

This episode of The Adventures of-

Me: Don't call it that! It sounds stupid.

The episode begins with a man putting a bug in a flower. And then the flower ends up in Morgana's room.

Me: What?

The man with the bugs is standing outside the castle.

Me: What happened to his face?

The man with the severely damaged face is standing outside the castle.

Me: He looks evil.

Morgana goes to sleep, and the bug crawls out of the flower. 

Sinister music plays as the bug crawls across a blanket.

Me: This really isn't dramatic. The music doesn't suit and it almost feels like they're making fun of themselves. Even David Attenborough wouldn't stoop this low. And did I mention how fake the bug looks?

The bug is on her face now...

Me: Can't she feel it? Why doesn't she wake up?

And then we have the opening titles.

Me: It is called 'The Adventures of Merlin'! How stupid is that?

Gaius is inspecting Morgana.

Me: How far did it just skip ahead? A few hours? Have they just noticed something's wrong, or have they been with her for a while? Anyway, it's a good place to start.

Gaius says that Morgana may have inflammation of the brain.

Me: Nasty.

And we're given the episode title.

Me: 'A Remedy To Cure All Long Titles'? And which episodes did Julian Jones write?

Wikipedia: 'The Dragon's Call' and 'Mark of Nimueh'.

Me: They were good. I'm looking forward to this.

Merlin quietly offers to use his magic to cure Morgana, but Gaius forbids it.

Me: You'll let Morgana die, knowing you could've done something? Wow. But otherwise it would be 'Mark of Nimueh' all over again, so fair enough.

Gaius agrees.

Me: Look, it's-

-the man with the severely damaged face. He says he can help cure Morgana's illness.

Me: How convenient.

And that's just what Arthur thinks.

Me: He's going to end up 'curing' Morgana anyway. Do you think Julian Jones would discard a seemingly important character, Arthur? Because that would be stupid, and nothing like what he's done with Nimueh.

Remember Nimueh?

You: Uh...

Me: Point made.

Arthur tells Merlin to stop pacing. It's making him nervous.

Me (in American accent): "You're wearin' a groove in the floor, Fred!"

Gaius says he can't keep Morgana alive much longer, so Arthur suggests going to the man with the severely damaged face for help.

Me: No, don't go to the inn! It's a trap!

But when Uther walks to his throne in the next scene, the man with the severely damaged-

Me: I think his name is Edwin.

Edwin is already there.

Me: They skipped another few hours, did they?

Gaius' eternally raised eyebrow rises even higher when he hears of Edwin's 'Remedy to Cure All Ills'.

Me: And if he can cure everything, why can't he cure his face?

Edwin suggests that Gaius' diagnosis might be wrong.

Me: Gaius' eyebrows!

Merlin shares Edwin's interest in science. As Merlin says, science is knowledge.

Me: But not all knowledge is science.

Edwin wants everyone to leave the room.

Me: Uther won't-

Uther obeys.

Me: What? You're going to leave an unconscious Morgana with some dodgy stranger you just met?

But Gwen walks in mid-examination. Edwin sends her to get some water while he does some magic...

Me: Gaius did exactly the same thing a few episodes ago.

Edwin does some magic, and emerges from the room with some good news for Uther. It wasn't an inflammation of the brain. 

Me: They're going to sack Gaius.

And Morgana's cured, thanks to Edwin. He's becoming rather popular.

Gaius seems to think that he's met Edwin before.

Me: Probably. This plot is so predictable that they probably added that in to make it more interesting.

Gaius goes to see Strict Librarian.

Me: From last episode! I don't think he actually had any lines.

Gaius wants to see some records or something, but Strict Librarian - who seems to be a close friend of Gaius - won't help.

Me: Just give him the bloody records!

Merlin plays with Edwin's gold alchemy things.

Me: I know they look nice, but do they actually do anything? Anything practical?

Merlin uses magic to make the bugs come to life.

Me: Why?

And Edwin catches him. It turns out Edwin is trying to use his magic for good.

Me: This is different. Magic people have all been evil so far, but- Wait, didn't he make Morgana sick in the first place?

Edwin offers to teach Merlin magic.

Me: Gaius would say you're a bad influence.

Strict Librarian visits Gaius, and gives him the records.

Me: He probably gave it to him straight away in the original script. Before they realised the episode wasn't long enough.

Uther wants Edwin to review Gaius' work.

Me: They're gonna sack Gaius. I knew it.

Gaius confronts Edwin. It turns out there's some-

Me: History!

-between them. Edwin's parents were sorcerers. Edwin's parents were killed by Uther. Edwin's parents were good friends of Gaius, who "turned a blind eye!"

Me: History!

Gaius is about to tell Uther that Edwin is a sorcerer, so Edwin says he'll do the same to Merlin.

Me: Stalemate.


Merlin walks in at a very tense moment. Unaware of the heated conversation that had occurred before he arrived, Merlin gives Edwin his provisions and leaves to do his errands. Gaius tells him to do what Edwin asks.

Me: Edwin's controlling Gaius! This was a very well thought out plan. Wait... How did he know he'd encounter a young sorcerer under Gaius' care? That's a bit lucky, isn't it? If Merlin hadn't been there, Gaius would've recognised Edwin and reported him to Uther - Edwin wouldn't have been able to threaten him.

Edwin tells Uther that Gaius' methods are outdated.

Me: They're going to sack Gaius!

Or as Uther says, "lighten his burdens".

Me: Maybe they can be co-physicians? Work together? No, stuff that idea - they hate each other.

But where is Gaius going, this late at night?

Me: Uh... The wine cellar? Oh, he's going to the dragon! I recognise this passageway now.

There's some more talk about destiny, but it turns out that John Hurt wants Uther to sacrifice Uther for Merlin. Gaius says that he won't choose between them, so John Hurt tells him to turn a blind eye. That is, after all, Gaius' talent.

Me: Would you like some ice for that burn?

The next morning, Uther summons Gaius.

Me: He's gonna sack him!

Gaius has been in Camelot with Uther since Arthur's birth, and "all that entailed".

Me: Oh!

In case you've forgotten, my Nimueh theory is that Uther and Nimueh were married, and Arthur is their child.

Me: So Nimueh gave birth to Arthur, but he was so ugly that she turned evil? Or maybe it was the blond hair. Except it couldn't have been, because babies aren't born with hair. Maybe he was just too chubby.

Uther is sacking Gaius, and appointing Edwin as his new court physician.

Me: He should've put an ad in the newspaper - I'm sure there are plenty of physicians in Camelot who would go for a job interview with Uther.

Gaius has a last chance to say something. A last chance to save his job.

Me: Tell him that Edwin's a sorcerer! If you expose Edwin as a sorcerer, then nobody will believe him if he says that Merlin's a sorcerer! Who would believe a lying sorcerer over Gaius?

Gaius could also be described as a lying sorcerer, but that's not the point.

Me: I guess there'd be no proof of Edwin being a sorcerer, so they'd just think that Gaius is making stuff up to get his job back.

There's no evidence of Edwin being a sorcerer, but...

Me: His parents! Gaius can prove that his parents were sorcerers! Uther likes all that family stuff!

But Gaius goes back to his room to pack, even though Uther said he could stay in the castle. Gaius is leaving Camelot forever.

Me: Noooooooooooooooo!

Merlin doesn't want Gaius to leave.

Me: So sad!

Gaius has been giving Uther medicine for his shoulder, but Edwin says he can provide a more effective medicine.

Me: He's going to poison you!

It is a remedy to cure all ills.

Me: THEN WHY CAN'T YOU CURE YOUR OWN FACE, EH? It's too good to be true, surely. Why doesn't Uther suspect him of sorcery?

Gwen knows that Edwin is evil, and she's not happy that Gaius isn't staying to look after them.

Me: I think Gwen likes him less than Uther does.

Uther takes the medicine Edwin prescribed for him.

Me: Aren't you getting a taster to test it first?

Apparently not.

Me: Idiot.

Gaius is sitting at a campfire all by himself.

Me: You know what he needs? He needs a marshmallow. That's what he needs. Actually, he needs to stop being a sook and get back to Camelot.

Uther is paralysed, and Edwin puts a bug on him!

Me: The Bug of Doom!

The bug will eat into Uther's brain. He will suffer as Edwin's parents suffered. And Edwin hopes that he will scream like his parents screamed.

Me: But he's paralysed. Can you scream when you're paralysed?

Edwin's about to leave when...

Me: Gaius returns! He got back very quickly. How far away from Camelot was his campsite?

Edwin puts a ring of fire around Gaius.

Me: That's some very specific magic. He can just jump over it anyway - the flames aren't that high.

Merlin arrives and puts an axe through Edwin.

Me: Woah, I didn't see that coming. Merlin's a murderer now.

The ring of fire goes away when Edwin dies.

Me: Convenient.

Merlin's going to use Edwin's bugs to cure Uther.

Me: But... How do these bugs work? Obviously they're multi-purpose - they can kill people and cure them. But can they do my homework?

Merlin has to use his magic to get the bug out of Uther's brain.

Me: So what happened to putting another bug in? I thought that was the plan.

But if they use magic on Uther, he'll kill them - even if it does save his life.

Me: But he won't see you using magic - he's got his eyes closed. Very conveniently, I must say.

Merlin does some magic and the bug comes out Uther's ear.

Me: But it's already eaten some of his brain, right? And how are you going to explain him coming back to life without admitting you used magic? And why was Gaius happy to cure Uther but not Morgana? Uther has to die anyway, doesn't he?

Uther apologises to Gaius for sacking him. In the fight against magic, Gaius is the only person he can trust.

Me: That's a laugh! He's a sorcerer himself, not to mention he's turning Merlin into one!

Gaius is given back the title of Court Physician and is made a free man!

Me: I thought being a slave was a privilege? Oh, I get it - he's a free slave. I'm not quite sure how that works, but the closing titles are coming, so I don't really care.

Sure enough, the closing titles begin. But first, the next time trailer.

Me: That looks... Sci-fi...

Is magic bad or not? Good or evil? I think the message of this episode is that people who are born into a social/cultural group shouldn't be judged by others as the same as every other person in that group. 
For example, just because a small percentage of Muslims are terrorists, does not mean that they all are. And by the same reasoning, we could say that just because some sorcerers are evil, does not mean that they all are.

We also learnt a lot about Gaius' past and the future of Camelot. It seems that Uther will have to die at some point - possibly at Gaius' hands...

But what should I score it? There were a few too many plot holes for my liking, even though they were all quite irrelevant. I think I'll give it 7/10.

Join me next time for 'The Gates of Avalon'

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