Mark of Nimueh

Guest(s): Seb

Like the previous episode, 'The Mark of Nimueh' begins with an extremely short 'previously' trailer voiced by John Hurt.

"...rests on the shoulders of a young boy. His name? Merlin."

Seb: In series four and five, he says 'young man'.

John Hurt also mentions that it's a time of magic.

Me: But it's not a time of magic.

Seb: Yeah it is.

Me: No it isn't. Magic's banned.

Seb: Good point. 

The episode starts with a woman in a scary, dark cave-thing.

Seb: She's the ultimate villain for this series.

Me: Who?

Seb: Her.

Me: Who?

Seb: Her.

Me: Yeah, but who is she?

Seb: Nimueh. But after this series, Morgana becomes the main villain.

Me: Wait... What?

Seb: Morgana's evil, you know.

Me: Really?

Meanwhile, an egg flies through some water.

Me: Finding Nemo!

Seb: In the original stories, Lancelot was evil. But you haven't met him yet... And so was Gwen.

Me: What? I can believe Morgana being evil, but Gwen?

Seb: She's not evil in this, and neither is Lancelot.

And in Camelot, a man is rubbing his face with water from a tap. Clearly, Nimueh has infected the water.

Seb: Don't drink the water, dummy!

But the man carries on drinking the water, unawares of the damage it will do.

Me: Was this made at the same time as 'The Waters of Mars'?

And we're into the opening titles. Strangely enough, as well as the normal sword-fighting scenes, the time vortex from Doctor Who's 2013 opening titles makes an appearance.

In Camelot, Merlin and Gaius are inspecting a dead-

Me: Voldemort.

-lying on the ground. They agree to take him inside.

The writer for this episode is Julian Jones.

Me: People on this show like to have names starting with 'J'.

Seb: Yes. Julian Jones, Jake Michie...

...Julian Murphy, Johnny Capps...

Seb: That's Gwen's dad. He's the blacksmith.

Me: Oh. He's not a main character, is he? 

Seb: Yeah, he's not very good. He's a main character in the penultimate episode.

Me: Oh.

Merlin and Gaius wheel the man towards Camelot. Under a medieval tarpaulin, of course. Don't want to create panic.

And then Gwen arrives.

This is going to be-

Me: Awkward.

And it does get-

Seb: Awkward.

And even more-

Me: Awkward.

And it seems that-

Me: Every conversation!

-between Merlin and Gwen is-

Me: Awkward!

Back in Gaius' room, Gaius says he's never seen something like this before...

Seb: He says that in every episode! He's never seen anything before.

Arthur arrives and tells Gaius that Uther wants to see him.

Me: Another one?

Yes, another Voldemort.

Uther and Gaius have a quick chat, and suddenly they're all in a state of panic.

Me: They rushed into this pretty quickly.

Gaius and Merlin find another victim of this mysterious illness...

Me: Was Colin Morgan in this scene twice? 

This new Voldemort duplicate does look suspiciously like Colin Morgan with a lot of make-up on.

Gaius believes that science will find the cure, so they head back up to his room with a bottle containing the contents of Colin Morgan/Voldemort's stomach.

But Arthur arrives to search the room with his guards. They're looking for evidence. 

Me: Oh no, Merlin's magic book!

And when Arthur tells his guards to search Merlin's room, Gaius is understandably worried.

Fortunately, all Arthur finds is a cupboard. 

More people continue to take water from the tap-

Me: No! Don't do it!

-and the square is filled with dead bodies. 

Me: Is the cemetery full?

Uther goes all Sherlock Holmes and decides to impose a curfew.

Merlin's no Sherlock Holmes, but with a bit of prompting from Gaius, he works out the cause. Water.

Me: And those two haven't been drinking water all this time? They must be very thirsty.

Seb: Not from that tap.

Me: Oh. Why doesn't she do it to all the taps?

And Gwen's dad is turning into a Voldemort!

Seb: Nooo!

Me: Wait, does that mean this is the last we see of him? I hope he dies.

Seb: Not yet. He gets stabbed later on.

Merlin takes his magic book out from under a floorboard in his room.

Me: That's only ripping off about ten movies.

Merlin sneaks out after curfew...

Seb: They only did the curfew to make this scene more dramatic. There isn't a proper reason for it.

Merlin breaks in to Gwen's room and cures her dad! In his sleep! Gwen's dad's sleep, not Merlin's.

Me: So he can cure him just like that?

Seb: Yes. But Gaius doesn't want him to.

Later on, Merlin goes to visit Gwen. And guess what? Her dad's recovered! How about that.

But how did Merlin know? 

He tells Gwen he's psychic. 

So what's she thinking? 

She's thinking that he's not psychic. Clever Merlin.

Me: I think I know what she was really thinking...

In fact, the conversation is quite normal, until we're reminded that-

Me: Every conversation!

-between these two is-

Me: So awkward!

Arthur is suspicious of Gwen's dad's quick recovery.

Me: They're going to blame him!

But Arthur wants to know who he was with when he recovered.

Me: They're going to blame Gwen!

And Gwen is arrested.

Seb: There's one where Uther falls in love with a troll.

And after that random comment, we see Gwen being dragged down a corridor to some really dramatic music. And...

Me: The camerawork is as dodgy as the last two episodes.

Morgana and Arthur try to argue Gwen's case to Uther, but it's no good. Uther doesn't like magic. He's 'suffered at its hand'.

Me: Oh, so did a witch shrink his head so his crown didn't fit? Is that why he hates magic? That would make sense, his crown really doesn't fit.

Uther decides that because Gwen has played by fire, she'll die by fire.

Me: No, she played by water. It's the complete opposite.

Gaius asks how many times he's warned Merlin of the dangers of using magic.

Me: Too many! It's getting boring!

And it seems that almost-

Me: Every conversation!

-between Merlin and Gaius is about the dangers of using magic.

On his way to see Gwen, Merlin passes Morgana.

Seb: Aw, Morgana loves her servant.

Me: I know! I was going to call this a love triangle, but it's more like a love... *Draws squiggly line in the air*

Merlin talks to Gwen. It's extremely sad, and Gwen's crying. But like-

Me: Every conversation!

-between Merlin and Gwen, it's-

Me: So awkward!

Gwen tells Merlin to remember her. So sad.

Seb: In this, all the magic people have names starting with 'M', Merlin, Morgana-

Me: Spoilers!

Seb: Oops.

Merlin bursts in to a meeting to declare himself guilty. But Arthur thinks he's just saying that so Gwen would be freed. He's in love. Duh. There's no way Merlin would be a sorcerer.

Merlin can't believe Arthur not believing him. He asks Gaius if he should wear a big pointy hat, but Gaius doesn't think he'll find one big enough.

Seb: Snap, Big Head!

And Merlin goes to visit the dragon. Merlin needs to know how to defeat a monster he just saw. The dragon gives him another cryptic riddle and Merlin goes in search of a basic science lesson.

Oh look, here's Gaius.

Merlin, Arthur and Morgana go into the cave to slay the beast. If I had any preconceptions of what Merlin would be like before I started watching it, then this was definitely one. And lots of sword-fighting. And that was in the second episode.

Arthur doesn't think Morgana should go on.

Me: Sexist Arthur. Actually, I don't think any of the episodes so far have passed the Bechdel Test. That's worrying.

They decide to split up.

Me: Don't split up! Have you never watched a horror movie?

And the beast reveals itself! Morgana screams!

Seb: Why did she scream? She never screams in any of the other ones.

Me: She's like a middle ages version of Amy Pond.

Seb: Yeah, but Morgana turns evil. But she is a lot like Amy... And she was before Amy. When was this? 2008. And Amy was 2010... 

Me: Steven Moffat was writing 'The Eleventh Hour' in 2008.

The beast attacks!

Me: Kill it! Kill it before we have to see the whole thing! 

Merlin tells Arthur to use the torch, and the beast catches fire!

Me: Wait, what just happened?

Seb: Merlin did magic.

The meeting Merlin interrupted is still having a good laugh.

Me: Are they reading the poems Merlin's been sending to Gwen?

Gaius shows Uther something he found in the cave. It bears the mark of Nimueh, someone Uther seems to have met before...

Seb: This bit's important.

Uther is angry, but there's something far, far worse...

Seb: Cyberman music!

Me: Yeah, I've been noticing that, but every time it's finished on a different note. But that was exactly the same.

Gwen is released, but just as the episode comes to a happy end, red fingernails splash a barrel of water.

"Merlin, you will pay for this!"

And then we have the 'Next Time' trailer.

Me: Oh! Two parts?

Seb: No, they've all got her in it.

Me: Like a story arc?

Seb: Yes.

And the 'Next Time' trailer finishes with a shot of Merlin lying sick in bed.

Me: So that fish Gaius gave him was dodgy.

Although this is just the start of a story that seems to continue for the rest of the series, this episode works by itself. I mean, it has a beginning, middle and end. We still haven't seen much of Nimueh though, so I'm looking forward to some character development for her. I mentioned the Bechdel Test earlier, and while I don't think Merlin is sexist, some more female representation would be nice. All in all, that was quite good, and if all the episodes are like this, I'll be happy. 7/10.

Join me next time for 'The Poisoned Chalice'

Valiant

Guest(s): Seb

The episode begins with a knight-

Seb: He was in Broadchurch!

-purchasing a shield.

"With your sword-craft, and this shield, I guarantee you will win," the trader says.

"Show me how it works."

The trader demonstrates, and real snakes come out of the shield! He explains that the snakes will paralyse anyone they bite. "The snakes are now under your command," he says, giving the shield to the knight. "They will do anything you tell them to do."

Me: This is predictable.

"Just say the word."

Me: 'Kill him.'

"Kill him."

The knight rides into Camelot and signs up for the tournament. And then we're into the opening titles.

Me: So many names! It's confusing.

We cut to further inside Camelot, where Arthur is continuously whacking Merlin with a sword.

Seb: They're training.

And we're given the name of the story - 'Valiant'.

Me: Cryptic. I think.

Back in Gaius' room, Merlin can't be bothered picking up a book so he makes it fly to him.

Me: In case you missed it last week, Merlin can do magic!

After some scary foreshadowing, Merlin goes to get some armour help from Gwen.

Seb: She's the blacksmith's daughter.

And then Merlin heads off to help Arthur with his armour, which is put on over his red tunic.

Me: So he's Gryffindor and the other guy's Slytherin.

Arthur nervously says that he's not nervous.

Me: He's nervous.

Merlin puts a red cape over Arthur's armour.

Me: Superman!

And the knights gather in the arena. The knight with the Slytherin shield is wearing a yellow cape.

Me: Or is he Hufflepuff..?

Uther gives a short speech, and it turns out his son Arthur happens to be the reigning champion.

Me: Seems legit.

It turns out a large box full of gold coins is at stake. The first battle begins, and Arthur's in it...

Seb: This episode was probably really short before they put all the sword-fighting scenes in it.

A few battles later, Arthur is still undefeated. But so is Valiant.

Me: Oh, is Valiant his name?

Seb: Yeah.

Merlin has a lot of duties to do, but he uses his magic to make them do themselves.

But then Gaius walks in and loudly asks Merlin if he's using magic again.

Me: You don't have to shout it in to the corridor. Someone could hear.

Gwen and Morgana have a conversation about how annoying Arthur is.

Seb: In the original story, Arthur marries Gwen.

Me: Really?

Seb: Yeah, she becomes all princess-y.

Valiant has been dumb enough to leave his shield in a storeroom. Merlin's collecting Arthur's stuff when one of the snakes on the shield inexplicably comes alive. Valiant arrives and Merlin leaves to go and put Arthur in his armour.

Seb: He can't even dress himself.

Arthur is on his way to the arena.

Me: His armour isn't on right.

Colin Morgan- I mean, Merlin admits he's enjoying himself.

Me: The BBC must be paying him a lot.

Valiant's opponents' helmet rolls off, and Valiant sees his chance to make use of his snakes.

Seb: And the crowd doesn't notice?

Gaius and Merlin are examining Valiant's victim when they see a snake bite on his neck. Merlin makes the connection.

Merlin finds Valiant feeding his snakes, but Valiant hears him! 

Me: The snakes look so fake.

The chase is on! Oh, no chase then? Okay.

Merlin gets back to Gaius and tells him he's off to warn Arthur about Valiant. But Gaius reminds him that Uther will never believe a servant over a knight. Merlin needs proof, so he goes to see the snakes.

He gets into the room, but there's someone outside! How does he get out without being seen?

Me: Can't he do that teleport-y thing that woman did in episode one?

And now there's a snake behind him! He chops its head off and runs back to Gaius. 

While Gaius prepares an antidote, Merlin tries to convince Arthur that Valiant is cheating.

"Have you ever seen a snake like this in Camelot?"

Me: No, the BBC Props Department doesn't visit often.

Arthur and Merlin fail to convince Uther that Valiant is cheating, and Arthur sacks Merlin.

"Get out of my sight!" 

Me: He wasn't in your sight! Unless you have very good peripheral vision.

The violins play as Merlin stands defeated in the yard.

Me: Oh, the drama.

And Merlin goes to visit the dragon. He tries to speak to him, but the dragon is nowhere to be seen.

Me: Maybe John Hurt's on holiday.

But the dragon arrives to deliver some really useless riddles. So Merlin goes to talk to Gwen.

And we all know it's going to be-

Seb: Another really awkward conversation.

And Merlin thinks the answer to solving the problem lies in a statue of a dog. Gaius wants to know what he wants with it.

Me: He's putting it in his front yard, silly. He has a taste for garden gnomes. 

Merlin tries all night to make the dog statue turn into a real dog, but it's not working... Until, for some unknown reason, it does!

But Arthur is already preparing for battle. Morgana helps him put his armour on.

Me: It still doesn't look right.

Seb: What do you mean?

Me: There's a bit missing on his shoulder.

Seb: But he wouldn't be able to move his arm!

Me: Then why's he got it on that shoulder?

Seb: On the left side? To cover his heart.

Me: Oh.

It's actually on Arthur's right, so it's not covering his heart. There.

Me: So where do you get battle accessories for Time Lords?

Arthur walks out to face his death...

Me: This is stupid! Why is he fighting him?

Seb: He could win.

Me: Exactly! That's what I said before! But they don't seem to think he can, and he still wants to fight him. Stupid!

Seb: He thinks he can win.

Me: No he doesn't! He thinks he's going to die! He's suicidal!

Merlin rushes down to the arena to use his spell on Valiant's shield. 

Seb: What happens if he scratches all the paint off his shield?

The battle continues...

Me: Wouldn't it be really suspicious if two people had snake bites after fighting Valiant? 

Merlin casts his spell (it works straight away, unlike with the dog), and the snakes come out of Valiant's shield at the exact moment Valiant doesn't want them to. Morgana passes Arthur a sword, and he kills the snakes and Valiant. The crowd cheer.

Me: No one cares about the dead guy.

Seb: He would've been beheaded anyway.

Me: Good point.

But Arthur's too proud to admit he was saved by a girl.

Me: Sexist Arthur.

And after Arthur rehires Merlin-

Me: The BBC extended his contract. Fair enough, that was a good episode.

-we're shown the 'Next Time' trailer.

Me: That looks good.

Seb: It is. The fourth one's really bad. It's Merlin-lite.

Me: Wow, really? How does that work?

And that's the end.

I really liked the start of that episode, but the remaining 40 minutes were pretty average. The sets were good and the costumes were fantastic, but there were a few little plot problems that I can probably just blame the writer for. Apart from that, I enjoyed it. Colin Morgan and Angel Coulby were good, and Bradley James and Katie McGrath were excellent, but I'm still not convinced by John Hurt. That dragon's just weird. I think I'll give it... 6/10.

Join us next time for 'Mark of Nimueh'

The Dragon's Call

Guest(s): Seb

Popcorn at the ready, we start the episode...

Me: It's the Clash of Clans music!

Seb: Oh, yeah. It does sound like it.

A plane flies overhead and John Hurt's narration is momentarily cut out. Not that I'm complaining.

"And so it will be, for the young warlock arriving at the gates of Camelot. A boy that will in time, father a legend. His name?"

Me: Jethro!

"-Merlin!"

And the opening titles begin. 

Me: Woah! Too many names. Pause it.

Seb (pointing at each name): They write it, they're the two good writers, and they produce it. 

After the opening titles, we join Merlin in Camelot, where an execution is taking place...

Seb: That's Uther Pendragon. He's the king.

Me: Poor guy. He can never name a taxi service after himself.

"But for the crime of sorcery, there is but one sentence I can pass."

The executioner raises his axe...

And Uther signals to lower it.

The crowd gasps and an old woman is visibly distressed.

Seb: That's the woman from Torchwood.

After dramatically promising to kill Uther's son, she disappears in a whirlwind of smoke. 

Seb: She's good at acting evil.

Me: I don't get it. Wouldn't you want to be friends with magic people? This is dumb. This whole story is dumb so far. 

Merlin enters Gaius' room. He looks up, sees him and calls his name. Gaius looks over his shoulder and inexplicably falls back - the rail behind him snapping - and falls towards the floor.

The scene goes into slow-motion and Merlin magically moves a bed under Gaius, who's still in mid-air.

Me: So he's magic too.

Seb: Merlin? Yep.

Gaius wants to know where Merlin learnt magic. Merlin tells him he never studied magic and Gaius refuses to believe him. But he promises not to tell.

Me: So is the whole series going to be about Merlin hiding his magic?

Seb: Yep.

And then we're introduced to-

Seb: Morgana. Morgana's awesome.

Morgana isn't attending the feast because she doesn't want to celebrate the execution. She has a fantastic argument with Uther before he leaves her so she can continue her hunger strike in peace. 

Me: Princess with attitude. I like it.

Seb: She's not a princess.

Me: Whatever.

Cut to a red tent surrounded by guards. Inside is...

Me: Claire!

Seb: Claire?

Me: Or Gwen. Or Gwenith.

But there's something outside...

Seb: It's the same actor.

And the old woman from the first scene is killing Claire- I mean, Gwen. No, what's her name in this? Whatever. The Eve Myles with lots of make-up is killing the Eve Myles with significantly less make-up. And then Eve Myles with lots of make-up takes the face of Eve Myles with significantly less make-up.

Me: Is that a pendant she just took off? That would be so funny.

Eve Myles looks in the mirror... And her make-up's back!

Merlin wakes up to John Hurt calling his name.

Me: You have ten missed calls from... John Hurt.

Seb: They should've called this episode: 'John Hurt's Call'

Gaius conveniently knocks over a bucket of water, but Merlin uses his magic to stop it in mid-air! But then he lets it go and water goes all over the floor.

Merlin heads to the yard, where a man in fancy-dress is picking on a boy carrying a target. By throwing knives at him.

Merlin intervenes, and after a quick chat with the man in fancy-dress, he throws a punch at him and learns he's Prince Arthur. Oops.

As Merlin is locked away, Eve Myles arrives at the castle and (while holding her pendant) has a conversation with Uther.

Me: I wonder if she stole it. But it was probably hers in the first place.

And so it became my mission to fit in as many Broadchurch references as possible for the rest of the episode.

Meanwhile, in Merlin's cell, Gaius has managed to "pull some strings" and free Merlin. Merlin is understandably grateful, but looks like someone who's just met their favourite celebrity.

Me: Selfie with Gaius!

But, as Gaius says, there's still a small price to pay...

While the children of the village throw their unwanted vegetables at Merlin, a young woman approaches, and introduces herself as Gwen.

Me: That's going to be confusing. Eve Myles and a character called Gwen in the same episode.

Merlin and Gwen have a very awkward conversation, and Gwen tells Merlin that Arthur is "one of those rough, tough, 'save the world' kind of guys."

Me: I thought that was going to be Merlin's job.

Back in Gaius' room, Gaius is telling Merlin all about the good old days. Merlin leaves to deliver a jar of earwax to Eve Myles' room.

Seb: You know Lady Helen's going to be right behind him.

Me: Who?

Seb: Her.

Me: Can I just call her 'Claire'?

Seb: Claire?

Me: Claire. That's her character's name in Broadchurch.

Seb: She's in Broadchurch?

Me: Series Two.

Merlin is back outside when he passes Prince Arthur. The one he tried to punch earlier.

And by the time Gaius looks out the window, Arthur and Merlin are in the midst of battle. Some sneaky magic from Merlin puts Arthur on the back foot, but Gaius appears and a distracted Merlin is defeated by Arthur.

Arthur says there's something about Merlin, but he can't quite put his finger on it.

Me: I can, the show's named after him.

Gaius continues to lecture Merlin on the danger of using magic while Uther is king. Merlin asks what he's got if he doesn't have magic.

Me: Your head.

Merlin goes to his room, but Gaius soon follows and tells Merlin to take his shirt off.

Me: That's one hell of an age gap.

Seb: I bet the writers were like: 'We've got to have him naked in at least one scene each series.'

But Gaius just wants to heal Merlin's wounds and have an in-depth conversation with some sad music in the background.

Seb: In the original story, Merlin was the old wise person, but in this it's Gaius.

At dinner with Uther, Lady Helen accidentally foreshadows her upcoming assassination of Uther's son Arthur. When asked by Uther why she said 'Poor child', she covers by saying "It can't have been easy to grow up without a mother" and "that bond between mother and son... It's so hard to replace"

Me (sarcastically): Wow, she's a great advocate for gay rights.

Merlin wakes up to-

Me: You have 14 missed calls from... John Hurt.

Merlin heads outside, past a sleeping Gaius, and around two guards playing with an easily-manipulated dice.

Seb: This is the only time he has to get past guards. Every other time, there are no guards.

Merlin walks towards the sound of John Hurt...

Seb: This passageway is used so many times.

And the voice keeps calling...

Seb: Telepathy! Mordred used that too. You're about to see the dragon...

Me: It doesn't look that bad...

The dragon gives Merlin a lecture about destiny, and it turns out Merlin is destined to protect the guy he hates the most. Obviously, he's not happy, but the dragon reminds him that no one can change their destiny.

Me: You can, if a crazy dragon that can tell the future doesn't tell you.

Merlin wakes up the next day (he does an awful lot of waking up, doesn't he?) to Gaius, who needs him to give Morgana something because she's been having bad dreams.

Seb: But are they dreams?

Merlin walks in on Morgana undressing (behind some wooden panels, in case you were wondering) and Morgana thinks he's Gwen. Luckily, the real Gwen arrives just in time, as Morgana asks for some help tightening her dress. 

Lady Helen's temporary slave arrives at Lady Helen's room with some flowers. Lady Helen invites her in and kills her after she sees Lady Helen's true face in the mirror.

Me: She really shouldn't have all those mirrors in her room.

Merlin and Gwen have an extremely awkward conversation in the hall, and Lady Helen leaves her room, without bothering to cover up the body lying on the floor.

With the feast beginning, we get a closer look at Uther Pendragon.

Me: It's the guy from 'School Reunion'!

Seb: Yep, and Gwen was in the Madame de Pompadour one.

Uther makes a short speech before handing over to Lady Helen. She's going to sing.

Seb: That's not her singing.

Me: I didn't think so.

Grasping something imaginary in the air, Eve Myles continues to mouth the words.

And everyone's going to sleep... And the lights are going out... And there are cobwebs growing... Wow, this really isn't good, is it? But Merlin is smart and covers his ears.

Seb: No one else thought of that?

Me: This is creepy.

Seb: This is really different to most episodes.

Lady Helen advances towards a sleeping Arthur, but Merlin makes a chandelier fall on her.

Me: What was she going to do? Burst his eardrums?

Seb: She had a knife in her hand.

Me: Couldn't she have used her magic to kill him? And couldn't she have done it by surprise, rather than putting the whole room to sleep? She gave Merlin plenty of time to act.

But Lady Helen isn't dead, so she throws the knife at Arthur!

Merlin pushes Arthur out of the way and the knife hits the chair Arthur was sitting in. Uther rewards Merlin by offering a job as slave to Prince Arthur.

Seb: Saves his life so he gets to be his servant! (Sarcastically) Woohoo!

Back in his room, Merlin is having a conversation with Gaius, when Gaius gives him a book that Gaius was given when he was Merlin's age.

Me: It's porn!

But when Merlin opens the book, he discovers it's a book of spells...

I really liked that. It was funny, clever, and really creepy at the end. It's an excellent cast and the character development so far has been wonderful. I'd like to see more of Arthur though. And maybe a little less of Gaius. The story was a bit strange, but it worked for the first episode, and the dialogue was wonderful. The direction was good, but the camerawork was a bit dodgy in parts. I score it... 8/10. I can't fault it on much, but it just didn't feel like a 9/10.

Join us next time for 'Valiant'