This episode begins with Arthur drowning.
Me: The music tells me that this is a dream. Although, the music on this show doesn't always match the scene, unfortunately.
But the music is right on target today, as Morgana wakes up from her terrible knightmare.
Me: Get it? Knightmare. Because Arthur's a knight. Oh, never mind.
And then-
Me: The opening titles? What?
Meanwhile, in the forest...
Me: Arthur's hunting...
Until Merlin bumps into him, and Arthur calls him a 'buffoon'.
Me: Uther the Psychopath, Morgana the Manipulative, Lancelot the Unofficial and... Merlin the Buffoon.
A young woman and her father are being attacked by-
Me: Bandits, I think.
-so Arthur steps in and does some awesome sword-fighting.
Me: I am getting a little bit tired of the sword-fighting.
Merlin is awkwardly standing on the side, watching Arthur fight.
Me: Do something, Merlin!
He uses his magic to make a tree branch fall on one of the bandits.
Me: And Arthur doesn't think that was just a teensy bit convenient? That a branch just happened to fall at that exact time in that exact place?
But Arthur is too busy duelling another bandit.
Me: There's another one standing around over there! Why doesn't he come over and stab Arthur in the back? He can't fight two at once!
Arthur kills the one he was duelling and scares off the other.
Me: They were terrible bandits. I'm surprised they became bandits in the first place when they could've been perfectly good slaves.
The young woman introduces herself as Sophia, and Arthur escorts her and her father back to Camelot.
Me: I think Arthur likes Sophia. Sothur? Arthia? No, they both sound rubbish. This relationship isn't meant to be.
Uther decides to let Sophia and her father Aulfric stay in the castle.
Me: Why?
They are of noble blood.
Me: Oh. What's that stick thing? Is it a staff? It looks magic.
Arthur decides that Sophia can stay in the room next to his.
Me: Uh...
But his intentions are completely honourable.
Me: Oh, that's good. No hanky panky in Camelot.
Morgana sees Sophia and recognises her as the woman from her dream. The one where Arthur was drowning.
Me: Oh yeah. I'd forgotten about that.
Morgana goes to see Gaius.
Me: This must be the first scene with just Morgana and Gaius. They've been in the same scene before, but this must be the first time they've been alone together.
Gaius' bench is on fire.
Me: His bench is on fire!
His bench is on fire!
Me: Did Morgana do that? Or did his bench just happen to catch fire?
Morgana explains her dream to Gaius, but Gaius is sure there's nothing wrong.
Me: So... What happens in the next 35 minutes?
The bandit that ran away is sitting at a campfire.
Me: He needs a marshmallow.
And right on cue, Aulfric turns up.
Me: Ha! He looks like a marshmallow!
The bandit wants more money.
Me: What? Oh! Aulfric paid the 'bandits' to pretend to attack him so he'd be taken to Camelot by Arthur!
Aulfric uses his staff thing to kill the bandit.
Me: Sorcery!
Arthur's meant to be doing patrol, but he asks Merlin to cover for him so he can go for a romantic ride with Sophia.
Me: You're not on patrol all day, are you? Couldn't you go on patrol first and take Sophia out later?
Apparently not.
Me: Poor Merlin. He's gonna end up in the stocks.
Morgana can't tell Uther about her dream, so it seems she's going to have to save Arthur herself.
Me: You mean there's no-one she can manipulate into doing it for her? Wow, she must really be out of options.
And she is.
Me: Will Merlin actually do anything in this episode? Eh, whatever. I like Morgana.
But Merlin isn't far away...
Me: I knew he'd be put in the stocks.
And the people of the village throw their unwanted tomatoes at him.
Me: They're adults! I thought only the kids could throw stuff! Hang on... When were tomatoes introduced to Britain?
Sophia is casting a spell on Arthur. Literally.
And back in Camelot, Gaius is examining the sci-fi staff in Sophia's room.
Me: It's got writing on it too! Nothing screams 'magic' more than ancient writing.
Aulfric appears behind Gaius.
Me: He can get places fast.
Sophia and Arthur are back in Camelot, and Arthur asks Sophia if she'll be alright.
Me: What? I don't think she needs help walking up some stairs. Although, her cape thing is very long. I'm surprised she doesn't trip over it.
Morgana confronts Sophia on the staircase.
Me: This isn't going to go well.
Morgana vows that if anything happens to Arthur, she'll find Sophia. However long it takes.
Me: But what if someone else kills Arthur? Will you still blame Sophia then?
The next day, Merlin ends up in the stocks again.
Me: I don't think Arthur quite understands the meaning of the word 'friend'.
Gaius reveals to Merlin that Morgana can see the future.
Me: Don't tell Uther!
Sophia wants to marry Arthur.
Me: What? Just kill him already!
Aulfric sneaks out of Camelot late that night, and Merlin follows him to the lake.
Me: What is he doing?
Shouting at water, it seems. Until...
Me: Tinkerbell! He's talking to lots of underwater tinkerbells!
There's a whole world of fairies in blue dresses under the sea.
Me: How pathetic.
Aulfric used to live there.
Me: That marshmallow was a tinkerbell? I find that hard to believe.
The underwater world thing is called Avalon.
Me: Does Jetstar fly there?
Aulfric wants his daughter to be allowed back into Avalon, but it can only happen if he brings the soul of a mortal prince.
Me: How convenient. Why do they need a prince, anyway? What significance does the title hold to blue fairies who wear dresses and rags? How is Arthur's soul different to anyone else's? And didn't Aulfric already know that he needed to bring Arthur? What information has he gained?
This information is obviously nothing new to Aulfric, but it is for Merlin, who runs back to tell Gaius.
Me: Gaius will know what to do!
Gaius is now certain that they're dealing with a She.
Me: What? Aulfric's a woman?
No, a Sidhe.
Me: What's that?
A fairy.
Me: We already knew that! Bloody hell.
Arthur tells Uther that he wants to marry Sophia.
Me: Uther's going to laugh.
Uther laughs.
Me: Wow, I can see the future too!
Uther won't allow Arthur to marry Sophia.
Me: Sophia's very quiet. And so is Aulfric. He doesn't seem to be surprised by this at all. How suspicious is that?
As they leave, Morgana almost tells Uther about her dream.
Me: That was suspenseful. Actually, that's the best scene so far. Not just in this episode, but in the whole series.
Sophia and Aulfric knock Merlin out and take Arthur to the lake. Morgana sees them from her window.
Me: It's all up to Morgana! This is new.
But instead of doing anything herself, Morgana goes to Gaius for help.
Me: What's Gaius going to do?
Instead of doing anything himself, Gaius goes to Merlin for help.
Me: They're playing medieval pass the parcel!
Gaius wakes Merlin up. It's incredible that he wasn't killed by Aulfric's magical staff.
Me: Convenient. Woah, hold on... It's day! Has Gaius been looking for Merlin all night? It's way too late now - Arthur will be dead already!
Sophia and Aulfric are preparing to drown Arthur.
Me: Well, if it took them that long to get to the lake, then Merlin won't get there until-
But Merlin's not far away.
Me: But... Oh, forget it.
Aulfric hadn't told Sophia that he wouldn't be going to Avalon with her. Apparently, it's his destiny to live a mortal life.
Me: He's stuck looking like a marshmallow for the rest of his life! Poor thing. I feel sorry for him now.
Merlin arrives and uses the sci-fi staff to kill Aulfric.
Me: Woah.
And then he uses it to kill Sophia.
Me: How many people do you have to kill to be a mass murderer?
But Arthur is still underwater...
Me: Why haven't the tinkerbells taken him?
Merlin saves him!
Me: Oh, please. He's dead.
But he isn't. Merlin and Gaius tell him an alternative story that doesn't involve magic at all.
Me: That actually made sense. It doesn't explain what happened to Aulfric and Sophia though.
And then they tell Uther a completely different story. One that puts Merlin in the stocks.
Me: Third time this episode. I think that's a record.
Uther jokes that there could be a food shortage if Merlin keeps ending up in the stocks, but-
Me: You said they threw rotten fruit. And what's wrong with a rotten fruit shortage?
It looks like the episode will have a happy ending... Until, that night-
Me: Morgana's going to have another dream!
And right on cue, Morgana wakes up from another nightmare.
Me: Closing titles!
I think it's fair to say that that was the worst episode so far, which means I can't go higher than 3/10.
There were some very funny scenes, so I'll give it points for that. And there was that particularly suspenseful scene with Uther and Morgana, so points for that too...
But the plot was terrible and the tinkerbells were stupid. 3/10.
Join me next time for 'The Beginning of the End'
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