We begin in a forest, where Merlin is picking-
Me: Mushrooms.
-that look-
Me: So fake!
Screech!
Me: Eagle!
And a winged monster with the head of a bird is revealed.
Me: I was right! Kind of.
Merlin falls back and the beast looks set to strike.
Me: Opening titles.
But the opening titles do not come in on cue, and a man with a sword jumps into view.
Me: Who's he? He's new, right?
The man tries to fight the beast, but it's no good.
Me: The sound of his sword hitting it didn't sound right. It was like he was hitting metal. And it wasn't in sync.
Merlin and Lancelot run through the forest, chased by the beast. They jump over two logs then hide under them. Apparently, the beast finds logs off-putting, and flies off into the distance.
Me: Wait, what happened?
Merlin wants to know who the man is.
Me: Yeah, who is he?
Lancelot.
Me: Is he going to be in the opening titles?
Nope.
Lancelot's injured, so Merlin takes him to Gaius.
Me: He was injured? I didn't see that.
Meanwhile, Arthur and Uther are looking at the remains of a village destroyed by the beast.
Me: Nasty.
Uther says that the beast only took the people.
Me: If it took all the people, who told you? Someone who escaped? Someone from another village? Someone with a very loud voice?
Lancelot wants to become a knight of Camelot, so Merlin says he'll see what he can do.
And Merlin tells Arthur about Lancelot. He's courageous and disciplined. He's completely trustworthy and he'd be a really good knight.
Me: You met him half an hour ago. You barely know him. They've rushed the start of a story again.
But only those of noble blood can serve as knights. Merlin tells Arthur that Lancelot is a nobleman, and he'll bring his seal of nobility tomorrow.
Me: Is Lancelot a nobleman? I thought he was, but he doesn't dress like it.
He isn't.
So Merlin uses his magic to copy a seal of nobility from a book on to a blank piece of paper.
Me: That's illegal copying! That book probably had a warning on the back that said 'No Photocopying'.
Lancelot doesn't want to break the law, but Merlin convinces him that he's worthy of being a knight, no matter who his family is.
Me: You hardly know him!
So Lancelot goes to get his thigh measured by Gwen.
And we can already tell that every conversation between Lancelot and Gwen is going to be-
Me: Awkward.
Lancelot accidentally offends Gwen while she has a tape measure around his neck.
Me: Strangle him!
On the walk back, Lancelot asks if Merlin and Gwen are...
Me: Nope. Gwen's single, you're single...
But at the try-out or whatever it is, Arthur isn't impressed by Lancelot, so he sends him to clean the stables.
Gaius is sorry about Lancelot, but Merlin says he doesn't really care. That's life, apparently.
Me: What? But... You... Oh, Gaius doesn't know Lancelot tried out to be a knight, does he?
Lancelot comes back covered in poo, and Gaius realises what's happened. He's not happy about Merlin using magic to help make Lancelot a knight.
Me: Yeah, Merlin! They could expose him as a fraud! He could die because of you! It'll be like what happened to Gwen in 'The Mark of Nimueh'! Actually, it'll be exactly like that. You'd think Merlin would learn. Actually, you'd think the writers would come up with new ideas.
And then I accidentally shipped Gwen and Gaius.
Me: Listen to Gwaius!
Arthur finds Lancelot sweeping and gives him 'basic training'. But then they hear a noise coming from... Somewhere else? Arthur runs towards the action.
Me: Arthur can run? That's not very kingly. Or princely. Or knightly. Are they even words?
A village has been attacked by Eagle-face.
Me: This is sounding a bit like The Hobbit.
Uther lists some of the villages attacked.
Me: This is sounding a lot like The Hobbit.
Arthur is speaking to his knights.
Me: So all the people that have passed as knights are as good as Arthur? Why weren't they in the tournament? And if they were, why didn't they win? Surely one of them could beat Arthur.
And after some sword-fighting with Arthur, Lancelot is knighted! Everyone claps.
Me: Arthur always claps really slowly. It's very kingly.
And it seems that the librarian has found that the seal of nobility is fake...
Me: Why was it in a book anyway? A filled out, customised, full-size seal of nobility in a book? What was the book about?
And the next day, Lancelot is arrested...
Me: Inevitable.
And Lancelot is put in a cell suspiciously similar to the one Gwen was put in.
Me: This is exactly the same as 1.3!
Lancelot doesn't blame Merlin.
Me: You should! Even Morgana couldn't have been that manipulative!
But Merlin blames himself.
Me: Can't the guard hear you? You could get into even more trouble than Lancelot.
Later, Gaius shows Merlin a picture of what the beast might look like. Merlin recognises it from that dodgy pre-titles scene. Gaius is surprised.
Me: WHAT? You saw a mythical beast with an eagle head and almost got killed by it, but you didn't tell Gaius? You couldn't have forgotten! It's not the sort of thing you see everyday!
And the beast is outside!
Me: In Camelot? Why didn't they have any warning? They should've seen it coming ages ago. This episode must be pushing the 45-minute limit - this ending feels rushed already.
I don't even know if this is the ending.
There's still more than 18 minutes left.
Me: Take away the cheesy ending and the movie-length closing titles, and that probably isn't long at all.
The people of Camelot scram as the beast (has it been given a name yet?) attempts to land in the square.
Me: These poor extras don't even know what the thing looks like.
Arthur assembles his knights...
Me: That was quick.
And the fight begins.
Me: The CGI looks terrible.
Lancelot is still stuck in his cell.
Me: Does he have to be a knight to fight? He could be Lancelot the Unofficial. And who cares if he has royal blood? Do they think he'll be on the beast's side? 'Cause that's stupid. The only person that wouldn't want it dead is the person controlling it, and that's obviously Nimueh. So even if he's not a permanent knight, why don't they let him out to fight the beast? Where are the guards? Are they knights?
Arthur tries to put a spear through the beast, but it snaps in half!
Me: Arthur's face! But now he has two sticks to throw at it! One in each eye! Throw them!
But Arthur is lying defenceless on the ground.
Me: Look at all those knights standing around while the beast kills Arthur! Well, it isn't killing him yet. But it should be killing him soon... It really should be killing him now. STOP TAKING YOUR TIME AND KILL HIM ALREADY!
And the beast has given some random guard just enough time to throw Arthur a stick. That's on fire.
Me: Make sure you catch the right end. What's he going to do with it, anyway?
Arthur shoves the stick towards the beast, and the fire scares it off.
Me: What? That's stupid. And how did the guard know to throw him something on fire?
Uther says that the knights of Camelot are the best in the land, and that they proved that today.
Me: But they were saved by a guard who guessed that an unidentified beast that was seemingly immune to everything was scared of fire! And you still haven't told me if guards are knights or not!
According to Gaius, the beast is a Griffin.
Me: I can live with that.
And the Griffin can only be killed by magic.
Me: So Merlin will be the hero of the story? Thanks for spoiling the ending. And I guess Lancelot will help too?
But Merlin can't use magic. Not in Camelot.
Me: Stupid rule! They should make it like being a knight. If only a select few were allowed to use magic, then they could kill Nimueh and her little friends without Uther having to worry about the size of his head!
You can read my commentary for 'Mark of Nimueh' here.
Merlin says this is madness.
Me: No... This is Spamelot!
Of course, if Gaius had said that, John Cleese would've sued.
Me: Colin Morgan's really good in this episode. That Merlin-lite episode was so frustrating.
Gaius says he would give his life for Merlin without a thought.
Me: No, that's Colin Morgan, not Daniel Radcliffe. And you're not Dumbledore! And the stupid writer isn't J. K. Rowling! Original content please!
Arthur gives Lancelot a 'Get Out of Jail Free' card.
Me: Uther won't be happy. If this is like 1.4, he'll put Arthur in a cell.
Arthur doesn't want Lancelot to fight with him.
Me: That's stupid! Didn't you just say that Camelot needs him?
He did.
Me: Then why are you letting him out if you don't want him for anything?
Merlin and Gaius are reading.
Me: Shouldn't the librarian be suspicious of Merlin? Oh, forget it. This episode has so many plot holes, I can't be bothered pointing them out anymore.
Lancelot is going to kill the beast himself.
Me: Freelancelot!
He asks Gwen for some armour.
Me: Where's her dad? Shouldn't he be paranoid about young men visiting his daughter in the middle of the night?
Gwen helps him, but tells Merlin what's happening. Merlin goes to fight with Lancelot.
Me: Lancelot's going to die. I'm sure of it.
The beast slaughters Arthur's knights.
Me: Didn't muck about this time. Wait... Is Arthur dead?
Merlin and Lancelot find Arthur (who certainly isn't looking his best) but are distracted by a random sound effect.
Me: Arthur can't be dead! Isn't it your destiny to protect him?
The beast appears, and Lancelot commands his horse forwards. Towards the beast. It looks great in slow motion. Even with the wobbly CGI.
Me: Lancelot's going to die and that eagle thing will only get indigestion! Do something Merlin!
And he does. Magic.
Me: Is that electricity coming out of Lancelot's spear?
Whatever it is, it kills the beast.
Me: That was weird.
Arthur congratulates Lancelot.
Me: But he knew only magic could kill it. You can't seriously believe Lancelot killed it by himself, can you?
And Lancelot is brought back to Uther. Uther angrily tells him to wait outside.
Me: He just saved the whole kingdom and you're telling him to wait outside? At least he has his armour on right. Someone at the BBC Costumes Department has got a pay rise since the tournament in 1.2.
You can read my commentary for 'Valiant' here.
Lancelot knows he had nothing to do with killing the Griffin. It was Merlin.
Me: Merlin couldn't poke it with a stick, it was a team effort.
Lancelot barges in to bid farewell. He doesn't want to be a knight anymore.
Me: Arthur looks sad!
Arthur looks very sad.
Me: I bet he had feelings for Lancelot.
And that would sound like...
Me: Arthulot.
Gwen can't take her eyes off the departingknight either.
Me: Gwenalot? Or Lancevere?
And that's the end. But there's still the 'Next Time' trailer.
Me: That looks good. I can't wait! But first I have to score this one...
This story felt like it was somewhere between 45 and 90 minutes long - too long for one 45-minute episode, and too short for two 45-minute episodes. The 45-minute format has always bugged me, because in situations like this, three 25-minute episodes (a total of 75 minutes) would've fit the story perfectly.
We interrupt this analysis for a basic maths lesson.
25 x 3 = 75
45 x 1 = 45
45 x 2 = 90
Point made.
I'm really disappointed with the writer - borrowing plot elements from another episode is not cool. What I would love to congratulate the writer for is the ending. It was terrible, but at least it was original!
In summary, I'd say it was unoriginal, rushed and poorly written. If this had been earlier in the series, I probably would've given it 6/10 or 7/10. But I'm getting a bit bored of the same stories over and over again. 5/10.
Join me next time for 'A Remedy To Cure All Ills'
And then I accidentally shipped Gwen and Gaius.
Me: Listen to Gwaius!
Arthur finds Lancelot sweeping and gives him 'basic training'. But then they hear a noise coming from... Somewhere else? Arthur runs towards the action.
Me: Arthur can run? That's not very kingly. Or princely. Or knightly. Are they even words?
A village has been attacked by Eagle-face.
Me: This is sounding a bit like The Hobbit.
Uther lists some of the villages attacked.
Me: This is sounding a lot like The Hobbit.
Arthur is speaking to his knights.
Me: So all the people that have passed as knights are as good as Arthur? Why weren't they in the tournament? And if they were, why didn't they win? Surely one of them could beat Arthur.
And after some sword-fighting with Arthur, Lancelot is knighted! Everyone claps.
Me: Arthur always claps really slowly. It's very kingly.
And it seems that the librarian has found that the seal of nobility is fake...
Me: Why was it in a book anyway? A filled out, customised, full-size seal of nobility in a book? What was the book about?
And the next day, Lancelot is arrested...
Me: Inevitable.
And Lancelot is put in a cell suspiciously similar to the one Gwen was put in.
Me: This is exactly the same as 1.3!
Lancelot doesn't blame Merlin.
Me: You should! Even Morgana couldn't have been that manipulative!
But Merlin blames himself.
Me: Can't the guard hear you? You could get into even more trouble than Lancelot.
Later, Gaius shows Merlin a picture of what the beast might look like. Merlin recognises it from that dodgy pre-titles scene. Gaius is surprised.
Me: WHAT? You saw a mythical beast with an eagle head and almost got killed by it, but you didn't tell Gaius? You couldn't have forgotten! It's not the sort of thing you see everyday!
And the beast is outside!
Me: In Camelot? Why didn't they have any warning? They should've seen it coming ages ago. This episode must be pushing the 45-minute limit - this ending feels rushed already.
I don't even know if this is the ending.
There's still more than 18 minutes left.
Me: Take away the cheesy ending and the movie-length closing titles, and that probably isn't long at all.
The people of Camelot scram as the beast (has it been given a name yet?) attempts to land in the square.
Me: These poor extras don't even know what the thing looks like.
Arthur assembles his knights...
Me: That was quick.
And the fight begins.
Me: The CGI looks terrible.
Lancelot is still stuck in his cell.
Me: Does he have to be a knight to fight? He could be Lancelot the Unofficial. And who cares if he has royal blood? Do they think he'll be on the beast's side? 'Cause that's stupid. The only person that wouldn't want it dead is the person controlling it, and that's obviously Nimueh. So even if he's not a permanent knight, why don't they let him out to fight the beast? Where are the guards? Are they knights?
Arthur tries to put a spear through the beast, but it snaps in half!
Me: Arthur's face! But now he has two sticks to throw at it! One in each eye! Throw them!
But Arthur is lying defenceless on the ground.
Me: Look at all those knights standing around while the beast kills Arthur! Well, it isn't killing him yet. But it should be killing him soon... It really should be killing him now. STOP TAKING YOUR TIME AND KILL HIM ALREADY!
And the beast has given some random guard just enough time to throw Arthur a stick. That's on fire.
Me: Make sure you catch the right end. What's he going to do with it, anyway?
Arthur shoves the stick towards the beast, and the fire scares it off.
Me: What? That's stupid. And how did the guard know to throw him something on fire?
Uther says that the knights of Camelot are the best in the land, and that they proved that today.
Me: But they were saved by a guard who guessed that an unidentified beast that was seemingly immune to everything was scared of fire! And you still haven't told me if guards are knights or not!
According to Gaius, the beast is a Griffin.
Me: I can live with that.
And the Griffin can only be killed by magic.
Me: So Merlin will be the hero of the story? Thanks for spoiling the ending. And I guess Lancelot will help too?
But Merlin can't use magic. Not in Camelot.
Me: Stupid rule! They should make it like being a knight. If only a select few were allowed to use magic, then they could kill Nimueh and her little friends without Uther having to worry about the size of his head!
You can read my commentary for 'Mark of Nimueh' here.
Merlin says this is madness.
Me: No... This is Spamelot!
Of course, if Gaius had said that, John Cleese would've sued.
Me: Colin Morgan's really good in this episode. That Merlin-lite episode was so frustrating.
Gaius says he would give his life for Merlin without a thought.
Me: No, that's Colin Morgan, not Daniel Radcliffe. And you're not Dumbledore! And the stupid writer isn't J. K. Rowling! Original content please!
Arthur gives Lancelot a 'Get Out of Jail Free' card.
Me: Uther won't be happy. If this is like 1.4, he'll put Arthur in a cell.
Arthur doesn't want Lancelot to fight with him.
Me: That's stupid! Didn't you just say that Camelot needs him?
He did.
Me: Then why are you letting him out if you don't want him for anything?
Merlin and Gaius are reading.
Me: Shouldn't the librarian be suspicious of Merlin? Oh, forget it. This episode has so many plot holes, I can't be bothered pointing them out anymore.
Lancelot is going to kill the beast himself.
Me: Freelancelot!
He asks Gwen for some armour.
Me: Where's her dad? Shouldn't he be paranoid about young men visiting his daughter in the middle of the night?
Gwen helps him, but tells Merlin what's happening. Merlin goes to fight with Lancelot.
Me: Lancelot's going to die. I'm sure of it.
The beast slaughters Arthur's knights.
Me: Didn't muck about this time. Wait... Is Arthur dead?
Merlin and Lancelot find Arthur (who certainly isn't looking his best) but are distracted by a random sound effect.
Me: Arthur can't be dead! Isn't it your destiny to protect him?
The beast appears, and Lancelot commands his horse forwards. Towards the beast. It looks great in slow motion. Even with the wobbly CGI.
Me: Lancelot's going to die and that eagle thing will only get indigestion! Do something Merlin!
And he does. Magic.
Me: Is that electricity coming out of Lancelot's spear?
Whatever it is, it kills the beast.
Me: That was weird.
Arthur congratulates Lancelot.
Me: But he knew only magic could kill it. You can't seriously believe Lancelot killed it by himself, can you?
And Lancelot is brought back to Uther. Uther angrily tells him to wait outside.
Me: He just saved the whole kingdom and you're telling him to wait outside? At least he has his armour on right. Someone at the BBC Costumes Department has got a pay rise since the tournament in 1.2.
You can read my commentary for 'Valiant' here.
Lancelot knows he had nothing to do with killing the Griffin. It was Merlin.
Me: Merlin couldn't poke it with a stick, it was a team effort.
Lancelot barges in to bid farewell. He doesn't want to be a knight anymore.
Me: Arthur looks sad!
Arthur looks very sad.
Me: I bet he had feelings for Lancelot.
And that would sound like...
Me: Arthulot.
Gwen can't take her eyes off the departing
Me: Gwenalot? Or Lancevere?
And that's the end. But there's still the 'Next Time' trailer.
Me: That looks good. I can't wait! But first I have to score this one...
This story felt like it was somewhere between 45 and 90 minutes long - too long for one 45-minute episode, and too short for two 45-minute episodes. The 45-minute format has always bugged me, because in situations like this, three 25-minute episodes (a total of 75 minutes) would've fit the story perfectly.
We interrupt this analysis for a basic maths lesson.
25 x 3 = 75
45 x 1 = 45
45 x 2 = 90
Point made.
I'm really disappointed with the writer - borrowing plot elements from another episode is not cool. What I would love to congratulate the writer for is the ending. It was terrible, but at least it was original!
In summary, I'd say it was unoriginal, rushed and poorly written. If this had been earlier in the series, I probably would've given it 6/10 or 7/10. But I'm getting a bit bored of the same stories over and over again. 5/10.
Join me next time for 'A Remedy To Cure All Ills'
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